Facing Fear When You are OCD.

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr



It would be accurate to say I meditate on my life at the beginning of each new year. It would be accurate but not exactly the whole truth. I meditate regularly, it just so happens at the beginning of the last three years a word or a desire comes to me while I am in meditation. Sure my thoughts have probably been on the subject, but it seems more than that. It's seems to me God is saying this is what I want you to do this year. Its never anything like buy a new car, go on vacation, join a new club. It's always something scary. This year it was "Step out beyond your fear." Uh.... I don't know if I want to do that. You see I am Obsessive Compulsive. That's right "Hello my name is Courtney and I am OCD, and oh yeah by the way, I am a yoga teacher. Yeah that's right I teach people how to let go of stress and meditate freely." For the past eight years I have made a meager living teaching yoga with a heavy emphasis on meditation. So for me its always been about "this brings me moment's of peace and clarity, and maybe if I share it with you, then you to will find some peace and clarity."
My fears don't involve normal things either. I have made some bold moves in my life. Right now I am in the process of opening a school to train other teachers. I am and have been involved in volunteer work with the needy and environmental issues.We adopted a kid who's birth mother, a criminal lives very close.
My fears are about my kids getting hurt or sick, leaving my kids, traveling and dying in a plane crash. Its all pretty much about my kids and me not being with them. So this year I am going to try to travel a little bit for work, and try to face the fear that my kids and I will survive and God will take care of us.
There is a meditation process that I have read about but have not yet been able to try. You go into your meditation and you focus on your fear and basically immerse yourself in it until you pass it, and let go and Let God take over. In writing those last four words I realized that is what I am not doing and maybe that is why I feel God is speaking to me. He is saying "Hey Dummy, you can fear all day and it won't change anything. You must Be still and know that I am God."
So this year I am going to try very hard to step beyond this fear and turn it over.

Things to Do:
1. Listen to Dale Carnegie's book on tape "How to Stop Worrying and start Living." (for the hundredth time.)
2. Go on several trips with my kids and several with out.
3. Continue to have faith in stepping out with my kids to do service work, mission work, karma yoga.
4. Continue to pray the serenity prayer everyday.

Blessings - Shanti (Peace),
Courtney